My ex-wife and I alternate being "watcher" for our son at the Philippine Heart Center. It has one good advantage for us -- we won't be seeing much. I took the "day shift" since most of the doctors make their rounds during the day and much of the paper works could only be taken care of during the day. I will be paying for everything after all.
Today is the operation day of my son. And since I was in the "day shift", I was the one who was oriented on what was going to happen.
My son has a Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD). It is a heart defect common to children from day of birth. It is also known as "heart murmurs". Basically, the heart has unwanted hole(s) inside it which causes unnecessary blood flows.
As I got into a bus going home from being a watcher, while the wind keeps blowing in my face, and all the street lights began to cast its lonely glimmer in the streets, I found myself lost in thoughts.
In my mind, the operation procedure as described by the doctor keeps going on and on in my head; They will cut open my little son's fragile chest, make the heart stop, connect all arteries to a heart and lung machine, begin to patch the hole in his tiny heart, close him up quickly, and then bring him to ICU to recover while attached to machines and heart monitors. And in all these I-don't-want-to-imagine activities, the doctor informed me that there is a 1-2% chance that he will have a stroke according to statistics. A stroke could make him paralyzed or even brain damaged! And as with any heart operation, there is a chance of post operation infections or fluids flooding his heart and/or lungs.
As I gaze out the window, I just realized I was already in tears. After 5 years since I discovered that my wife was cheating on me, I cried again -- this time out of fear. Fear I have never experienced before.
I felt sudden chills crawling in my skin as calm my self down trying not to be noticed.
All I can do now is to be strong for my son so that he can be strong for himself.
Today is the operation day of my son. And since I was in the "day shift", I was the one who was oriented on what was going to happen.
My son has a Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD). It is a heart defect common to children from day of birth. It is also known as "heart murmurs". Basically, the heart has unwanted hole(s) inside it which causes unnecessary blood flows.
As I got into a bus going home from being a watcher, while the wind keeps blowing in my face, and all the street lights began to cast its lonely glimmer in the streets, I found myself lost in thoughts.
In my mind, the operation procedure as described by the doctor keeps going on and on in my head; They will cut open my little son's fragile chest, make the heart stop, connect all arteries to a heart and lung machine, begin to patch the hole in his tiny heart, close him up quickly, and then bring him to ICU to recover while attached to machines and heart monitors. And in all these I-don't-want-to-imagine activities, the doctor informed me that there is a 1-2% chance that he will have a stroke according to statistics. A stroke could make him paralyzed or even brain damaged! And as with any heart operation, there is a chance of post operation infections or fluids flooding his heart and/or lungs.
As I gaze out the window, I just realized I was already in tears. After 5 years since I discovered that my wife was cheating on me, I cried again -- this time out of fear. Fear I have never experienced before.
I felt sudden chills crawling in my skin as calm my self down trying not to be noticed.
All I can do now is to be strong for my son so that he can be strong for himself.
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